A Family Affair: Summer: Truth in Lies, Book 3 Page 19

  “You have a point, Ramona.” Olivia’s heart grew lighter than it had been in years. “You do indeed have a point.”

  Her expression turned serious and filled with regret. “I want to make things right for Cash and Tess. I underestimated their love and I’m responsible for what’s torn them apart.”

  “Cash would have found out eventually. Tess would have told him, I’m sure of it. And then they would have had a lot of decisions to make.”

  “What if she can’t have children? I’m not sure he can accept that.”

  “If he loves her enough, he’ll have to. There are no guarantees in this world; we both know that. We can try to catch moments with people we care about.” She thought of Cash and Tess, JJ, Riki. And Will. “Because in the end, the moments are all we have.”

  ***

  Olivia closed her eyes and let her fingers glide over the piano keys as sorrow and regret poured through her, drenching her heart and the cotton shirt she wore with too many tears. Song after song spilled from her soul, spread through the room in a melody of pain and loneliness.

  Had Will been right? Had she become so rigid and determined to need no one that she’d pushed away those who cared about her? Pushed away Will? He was her friend, her brother-in-law, for heaven’s sake. He couldn’t be more than that. Could he? Why would he want to be? She wasn’t twenty-five anymore, not even forty-five. She had wrinkles and stretch marks and a disposition that did not trust easily or often. But most of all, she was petrified of showing her true feelings, even to her own children, and especially not to a man like Will Carrick. And what were those feelings? Did she even know?

  And what about Cash and Tess? Ramona might have blackmailed Tess, but Olivia had given her the power to do so with her judgmental ways and prejudice. She was such a hypocrite. More tears fell, more music filled the living room, seeped out of the open windows into the warm night air. That’s how Tess found her a long while later, still playing, still crying.

  “Mom? Are you all right?” Tess flipped on the light and rushed into the room. “Mom!”

  Olivia stopped playing, turned toward her daughter, and attempted a smile. “Sorry, dear. I was lost in the music.”

  “What’s wrong?” Tess leaned forward and hugged her. “Please tell me and don’t say nothing because I know that’s not true.”

  No, it wasn’t true. She sniffed and looked up at her daughter. “I love you, dear.”

  Tess smiled and gave her a peck on the cheek. “I love you, too, Mom, but now you’re really scaring me. You do not say those words for no reason.”

  Olivia shook her head and more tears fell. “Oh, but I should have. I certainly should have.”

  Tess sat on the piano bench next to her mother and pulled her close. “It’s okay. I know you love me.”

  It wasn’t okay, and it had taken Will Carrick and Ramona Casherdon to show her. “You and Cash…” she stumbled, tried again, “You’ve got to work things out.”

  “I don’t know, Mom. He’s not exactly in a talking mood. It’s not his fault. I shut him out of something he had a right to know about, and I don’t think he can forgive that.”

  “I knew you were pregnant and I knew you miscarried, too.” After all these years, she’d finally admitted it.

  “What?” Tess pulled away, shock and disbelief on her face. “How?”

  “A mother always knows when something isn’t right. When you didn’t come home after a few weeks with Riki, I knew something was up. And then she wanted the insurance card for the hospital and tried to tell me you’d suffered exhaustion and needed IVs. Heavens, that girl really does think I’m dense. I didn’t need doctors’ notes to figure out the basics. I didn’t know about the ectopic pregnancy or that you thought about an abortion.” She paused, stroked Tess’s cheek. “I should have come, thought about it most nights when I couldn’t sleep. But in the end, I chose not to, because we both would have had to face the miscarriage and I couldn’t do it. Not so close after JJ’s death. I didn’t know the doctor told you that you might not be able to have children. That explains so much. Why you gave up nursing, why you withdrew from your life, how you buried that pain so deep no one could see it. Not even you.”

  Tess swiped at her tears. “I told myself maybe I didn’t deserve to have children.”

  “Oh, no, child, that’s not true. You’ll be a wonderful mother.” Olivia pulled her into her arms and held her close.

  “I’ll probably never be a mother at all.”

  “You will, you’ll see. Maybe not the way you planned, but life has a way of throwing us off balance and it’s up to us to set it right again.” She stroked Tess’s hair, murmured soothing words, and waited until the tears settled. “I know what it’s like to be young and alone.” She took a deep breath, forced out the words she’d only spoken out loud once. “And pregnant.”

  Tess met Olivia’s gaze. “You were pregnant?”

  “I was. Your father and I had known each other about six months.” Her lips curved into a sad smile. “I was so in love with him. Then I found out I was pregnant.”

  “And?”

  The smile faded as painful memories took over. “He said he didn’t know if he wanted to get married. Imagine that? I played the organ at Sunday Mass and here I was, unmarried with a baby on the way. I didn’t dare tell my parents. And then your father up and disappeared for three days. Oh, I was so petrified, but Uncle Will found him and brought him back. Next thing I knew, I was walking down the altar.” More memories flooded her brain. “Three weeks after the wedding, I miscarried and I never stopped wondering if your father regretted the marriage.”

  “No, he wouldn’t have. Dad loved you, Mom.”

  “He did, but he was a dreamer, always on to the next adventure. A wife and children aren’t really good traveling companions, especially when the road is constantly changing.” She cleared her throat and said, “Well. Now you know my dark secrets.”

  “Thank you for telling me.” And then she asked in a gentle voice, “Is that all?”

  Olivia shook her head. Might as well shed the rest of her secrets. “I have fibroids. I need a hysterectomy, and you know I don’t like talking about those kinds of things, but it seems everybody already knows about it anyway.” She paused. “Even your uncle.”

  Tess smiled. “Uncle Will knows a lot more than he’s saying. I think you should listen to him, Mom.”

  “Oh, that man is not very happy with me right now. Said I was too closed up and unwilling to share anything, even a relationship. What on earth does that mean? And why would he say such a thing?” She rubbed her jaw and contemplated Will Carrick’s words about sharing and relationships.

  “Mom, you really don’t know?”

  “No, I really do not.” But a tiny piece of her thought she might have an idea…

  Tess smiled. “Uncle Will’s in love with you and everybody knows it except you.”

  Chapter 16

  Olivia Carrick hadn’t done anything this foolish since the time she tried to change the hose on the washing machine without turning off the water. Foolishness wasn’t in her nature and yet, here she was, standing outside Will Carrick’s farmhouse with a tray of chocolate chip cookies and an apology, all wrapped up and ready to deliver. She opted to knock on the heavy oak door instead of ringing the bell. If he didn’t answer in two minutes, she’d leave the cookies by the door and handwrite an apology later. Right now she was exhausted from the emotional upheaval of the past few hours, but there was a part of her that was relieved and at peace. Confession was good for the soul, that’s what Father Reisanski always said, but comforting another and sharing their pain? That was love.

  “Olivia?” Will Carrick stood just inside his door, tall and lean, his silver reading glasses stuffed in his plaid shirt. “What are you doing here?”

  She could not quite meet his gaze, so she settled on his chin and held out the cookies. “I know how much you like my chocolate chip cookies and I figured, why not make a batch tonight? It�
��s supposed to be blasted hot tomorrow and I don’t want to use the oven.” She let out a laugh, her gaze shifting from his chin to his left cheek. “I hope you don’t mind my stopping by at this hour. Goodness!” Her gaze shot to his. “Did I wake you?”

  He shook his head and said in a quiet voice, “No.” And then, “Would you like to come in?”

  “Well. Just for a minute.” She thrust the plate of cookies at him and said, “Here. Enjoy.”

  Will took the cookies and held the door open as she stepped inside. She’d been in the Carrick house several times, sat by the log fire, shared coffee and stories with Julia. But she’d never been here alone with Will after the man half-confessed to wanting more than friendship with her. And certainly not after she admitted to herself that she might want that, too. Goodness, was she crazy? No, she was petrified. And crazy.

  “Olivia?” Will took her arm and led her to the comfortable plaid couch, the very same one JJ had thrown up on when he was twelve. “Sit down.”

  She slid onto the couch and sat very still. Next up was the apology. She’d rather make twelve dozen chocolate chip cookies than say what needed saying. “I’m sorry,” she blurted out, her gaze trained on the gold-framed wedding picture of Will and Julia that sat on the end table. They were so young and full of hope and dreams, of babies, and growing old together.

  Will followed her gaze. “Julia was a good woman.”

  Olivia nodded. “Yes, she was. She didn’t have an unkind bone in her body.”

  “Nope. Charitable as they come.”

  “That’s true.” She could not make a fool of herself. Olivia stood and said, “Well, I am sorry for my behavior this afternoon. I hope you enjoy the cookies.” She started to back away. “I put extra nuts in them because I know how you like nuts.”

  Will followed her to the door, but when she went to open it, he blocked it with his big hand. “How about you tell me what this is really about? I’ve never known you to talk this much and say absolutely nothing. What’s going on?”

  She inched her gaze to his. The man was much too close. “May I have my personal space?”

  His lips twitched but he removed his hand from the door and stepped back. “Enough space for you?”

  “Yes. Thank you.” She cleared her throat. Twice. “I saw Ramona today.”

  “So I heard.”

  “Is nothing sacred?” Sometimes she almost wished she lived in a city. With strangers.

  He shrugged. “Ramona told me.”

  “Oh.” Well then, she supposed that was alright, since it came from one of the two parties having the conversation. If the culprit had been Pop Benito, she’d have marched right up to his house and seized his pizzelle maker until he swore to stop the gossip—ahem—information sharing, as he called it.

  “Is there anything else?”

  He asked the question like he knew there was. “About that surgery.”

  “The hysterectomy?”

  Thank goodness the light was low or he’d see her blush. “Yes. About that.” She paused and pushed on. “I’m sorry I was not more forthcoming, but it’s not easy for me. I’ve never been the type to confide in anyone and certainly not to ask for help. It’s all new to me, and really, I can take care of myself.”

  “That’s never been in question. You’re a very independent woman. I admire that.” His smile made her wish the ceiling fan was on. “But leaning on another person doesn’t make you weak. Letting someone share in your life is a wonderful thing.” His voice dipped, turned rough. “Tom was a good man, and he loved you, but he wasn’t a pillar. He couldn’t handle problems or disappointment.”

  “No, he couldn’t.” Sadness engulfed her, pulled her back to years of an empty place setting at the dinner table and an even emptier bed.

  “I knew you were pregnant.”

  “He told you?” Mortification was too mild a term for her present state.

  “Didn’t have much of a choice, not after I found him and made him confess.”

  Now was her opportunity to find out the answer she’d wondered about since Tom Carrick strode back into town and proposed. “Did he really want to marry me?”

  Will touched her cheek and said, “Yes, he really did.”

  She blinked back tears and nodded. “Thank you.”

  “I want to help you, Olivia, and I want you to lean on me. I know that scares you, but I’m scared, too.”

  “I’m petrified. I’m…I don’t know what you want from me.”

  He tucked a few strands of hair behind her ear. “I want to be your friend, the person you come to when you want to share something or when you’re miserable. And I want you to trust me.”

  “But you want more.”

  “Eventually. I’d like to think you might want more, too.” His blue eyes sparkled. “Do you think that might be possible?”

  When he looked at her that way, with such open honesty and caring, anything was possible. She smiled and said in a soft voice, “It might be.”

  ***

  Friends helped friends. They listened, comforted, shared, and encouraged. Tess had already lost Cash; she felt it in her soul and the only way she could get through the pain was to lean on family and friends. She’d shut them out before, but not this time. They would get her through this. Her mother had surprised her with a confession of her own and that sharing made Olivia Carrick more human, more vulnerable. Maybe not that different from her.

  Gina picked up Bree and Tess and drove to Christine’s, where it was private and people like Edith Finnegan were miles away. Who would have thought Nate Desantro’s home would provide a safe haven? Did he even know that while he was at work, his wife was offering support and serving up the chocolate chip cookies he made last night? In his living room? With his daughter sitting on Bree’s lap? Of course not. But Tess doubted he’d do more than frown, and not even a deep frown. The right partner certainly changed a person. Was her mother about to find that out with Uncle Will? A month ago, Tess would have laughed at the idea of Olivia Carrick even looking at another man, but if that man was someone as caring, considerate, and compassionate as Uncle Will? Well, anything could happen, couldn’t it?

  Except in Tess’s case, where she’d used up her second chance and watched it explode in front of her with the letter. She almost wished Cash had continued his tirade and accusations, let the anger spew from those beautiful lips. That, she would have understood, and maybe after the hurt had died down, they could have tried to find a way to move forward. But he’d shut down right in front of her and simply walked away.

  “Oh, my goodness, Tess.” Bree swiped a hand across her cheek, careful to keep a firm hold on a fidgety Anna. “This is so tragic, so utterly devastating. To think we were all imagining the worst about you and there you were, pregnant, and then to lose that little soul, and a tube. Ahh. And then to learn you might never carry a baby. How did you stand it?”

  “Bree.” Gina shot her a look that said she should have stopped talking four sentences ago. “You don’t have to recap what happened. We know. So does Tess.”

  Bree placed a hand on her belly as though to protect her own female parts and the baby in her belly. “But how sad.” She sniffed, sniffed again. “I simply cannot imagine.”

  Tess darted a glance at Anna, then looked away. Now they all knew why she’d been hesitant around the baby, never asked to hold her, and when she did look at her, it was a quick glance, then a shift to something else. She’d been carrying a lot of pain and guilt around for too many years, and her friends were determined to help her get through it.

  Who knew what Cash might do? If he really loved her, then anything was possible. Did he love her? Enough to start over and let go of the past? They could have a good life together, maybe not the one they thought they’d have, but it could still be full and beautiful.

  “And that witch of an aunt forcing you back here so you could open your heart and bleed all over again.” Bree’s eyes narrowed, her lips pinched. “Who did she think she was, thr
eatening to blackmail you? And what did she think that would do to her nephew once he fell head over heels for you all over again? Huh? Then you were supposed to say ‘Oh, by the way, I was carrying your child and I almost had an abortion, but I changed my mind, and then I lost the baby and then I found out I might never be able to have kids, and then—’”

  “Stop.” Gina shook her head and scowled. “You’re giving me a headache. We don’t need a play-by-play. We know Ramona’s a witch.” She paused, added, “But she loves Cash, as misdirected as that love might be.”

  Bree stuck her nose in the air and sniffed her irritation. “I know she raised him when his parents took off to God knows where, but that doesn’t give her the right to manipulate other people’s lives, namely Tess and Cash’s.”

  Gina frowned, opened her mouth to argue, but Christine jumped in. “Bree does have a point. I’ve only met Ramona at The Bleeding Hearts meetings, but I know all about being manipulated. My mother did it to the people she ‘loved’ for years. It was horrible, and in the end, it worked against her.”

  “Thank you, Christine.” Bree slid a glance at Gina. “Just because I don’t have a college education does not mean my brain doesn’t work. I am constantly thinking and concluding.”

  Gina’s shot her a glance and said, “Thinking and concluding?”

  “Oh, yes.” Bree’s smile stretched. “And I have a thing or two to say about Ramona Casherdon. That woman is no different from my mother-in-law. She didn’t think about repercussions; all she cared about was making Cash feel alive again, as if people can turn their emotions on and off when they love somebody. Goes to show what that witch knows about relationships, which is nothing. I mean, could she really not see that when this whole thing blew up, it would be bad for everybody?”

  Tess looked at her friends and said, “Ramona pretty much thought that once Cash knew the whole story, he wouldn’t want a woman who might not be able to give him a baby. And she was certain he’d never forgive me for not telling him I was pregnant.”

  “Evil woman,” Bree hissed.

  Tess shrugged. “Doesn’t matter.”